I Got Your Food Pyramid Right Here

I had a sandwich from a tray the other day with a weird tasting sauce on it (keep your jokes to yourself.) Because it was free and I was in a place I couldn't really make a huge deal about it, I kept eating and tried to figure out what it was. Sometimes it's fun to deconstruct a sandwich and figure out what's in it (kind of like "CSI: My Mouth.") Well, as I was nearly halfway done, I realized what it was. An apple. And it made me do this.

OK, you foodies out there, get ready to call me a heathen.

I HATE FRUIT IN MY LUNCH AND DINNER.

There I said it (and I made the "all caps police" mad, too)

Now, I have no problem with people who like fruit in their dinner/lunch or even serve it. Everyone has their own tastes, right? Just don't expect me to eat it.

Fruit is a fine breakfast item. It's an even better mid morning or late afternoon snack. But when you put it my sandwich or on my plate of meat and starches, I get that look Eddie Murphy gets in Trading Places when the Dukes explain that you might find bacon in a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.

So please enjoy your chicken salad with grapes or your apple stuffed pork to yourself. Unless you're talking about Hawaiian Pizza with ham and pineapple. In which case, forget everything I just said.