My DVR Runneth Over

Now that "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (one of the best seasons ever) "Entourage" (not so much) are over, I'm not sure what new TV shows deserve space on my DVR.  Modern Family will be there for sure, and I guess I'll give the Steve Carell-less version of "The Office" a try. Heck, I may even tune into "Two and a Half Men" to see how Charlie Sheen goes from "Duh...Winning" to "Duh...Dead."  But after that, I get a little stressed trying to guess what shows are going to make me appear cool (keyword:  appear.)

There are lots of returning shows that I should watch but don't (It's Always Sunny, CSI Wherever, 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, Sons Of Anarchy...I could go on.)   My enemy is not the shows. I'm sure they are very good.  My enemy is time.  It's hard to fully engage in a show while you're nodding off and wiping drool off your chin. That is not a quote from my grandmother or a 2 year old, it's from me.  I only get so much time to watch TV before I turn into a pumpkin, so I tend to stick with what I know I like.  And now that my kids stay up and watch a little TV with us before bed (they are addicted to the Food Network and Happy Days-Thank you, Hub) I have an even shorter amount of time to watch.

So, sure, I'd love to check out Pan Am, Up All Night, 2 Broke Girls, The Playboy Club, and Terra Nova.
But I can't watch them all and I can't decide which one(s) are worth it.  At least I can sleep knowing I don't have to bother with Charlie's Angels, whatever that new show with Tim Allen is, and The X-Factor.  And when it's time for bed, the kids can just wipe the drool off my chin and send me up to bed.     

Back To School 70's Style

With kids going back to school everywhere (thousands on Facebook alone, including mine,) I thought I'd share one of my back to school rituals. If you didn't grow up in Chicopee, fill in your local mall/stores here and let the memories come rushing back.

Time to hit the Fairfield Mall.  First, I'll go to the Levi's Store for some "cords." (Kids: "Cords" were corduroy pants. They were later banned due to the friction they created when you walked in them, causing many kids to spontaneously combust.)  Cool, Mom will let me buy 4-5 colors. I'll get black and blue because they match anything. Next, how about green?  They don't actually match anything, but they're dark, so I can fake it.  Now, time for the big guns: cream color and rust color. These look the coolest.

Now, time for my next stop: T-Shirt Express to custom match shirts to these cords.  These days, you go to Target, Wal-Mart, or even BJ's for t-shirts with funny sayings and band logos on them. But a long time ago, you could only get them at T-Shirt Express. This is heaven. Pick your shirt then pick the iron-on decal off the wall.  Hmmm, today I think I'll get That Doors decal on the 3/4 sleeve baseball shirt, the "Wild And Crazy Guy" decal on the yellow t-shirt, and the Gene Simmons solo album cover on black sweatshirt. Nice. This paper route money is coming in handy.   And the smell of those fresh iron on patches...mmmmm.

Well, time to hit Lucas Pizza for a slice before I go to Thom McAn for some sneakers. I hope they have the ones with those cool reflectors on the back.  Or was it Kinney shoes?

Like A Hurricane

To Members Of The Local Media,

I'm so sorry. I didn't listen. Apparently, there was a "hurricane/tropical storm/whatever you call it" this weekend. But I thumbed my nose and refused to believe the hype. I was unprepared, I suffered and it was all my fault.

First, I went to do my shopping Friday but they were out of bread and water. It was traumatic, but I settled for Coke and Doritos. If I had heeded your warning, I would have taken care of the bread and water on Monday, when you first put everyone into a panic. My bad.

I was getting ready for a party Saturday night and it started to rain really hard. This rain punished the region for at least 60 long minutes. I was sure this was the "hurricane/tropical storm/whatever you call it" so I stayed home. I'm glad I didn't risk my life for shrimp the size of my femur and a free concert by Scott Weiland. Later, I saw friends posting pictures from the party and became concerned for their lives. I mean, didn't they know a "hurricane/tropical storm/whatever you call it" was happening? How could they eat, drink, and rock out while the world ended? I looked out the window to see if my yard was gone, and notice the rain had stopped. Wait, this wasn't the "hurricane/tropical storm/whatever you call it?" I should have listened to you, media. I would have known that Saturday night was going to be OK, and Sunday was the day I was going to meet my maker.

I awoke to a rainy, windy, dark Sunday morning. Thinking I was already living on borrowed time, I turned on my TV. You told me the worst was coming from noon 9pm. I felt now I could believe the hype. I kissed my family and braced for the end. Then, the power went out and I knew it was time to face my destiny. At 2pm, as the rain ended, the wind subsided, and the sky brightened, I felt alone. Without power, I couldn't come to you for the accurate information you had provided all week. I was helpless, just waiting to be told what to do. How could I live my life without interviews with people braving the storm? Without the witty banter? Without the warnings, without the fear, and without the non-stop swirly maps? I'm sorry I didn't listen. My weekend was ruined and it was all my own fault. And without power, I'd never know how long my power would be out. If I could only have the power back, I would listen to your every warning. Your every...hey the lights went on. Cool. Think I'll catch up on "Curb."

When Science and Music Collide

I love watching people, especially when it involves music.  Concerts are always an interesting people-watching place, but too many are drunk, so people-watching actually becomes dodging weavers, staggerers, and fighters.  But amusement parks are more family friendly.  They play music over the PA and you can see  (and hear) people singing songs they love.  And many times, the people don't match the song.  Try it.
Here are some sweeping observations about people I've seen reacting to music in public places.  (This is only as scientific as what I can assess while standing in ridiculously long lines.)

EVERYBODY sings along to Train's "Hey Soul Sister:" kids, parents, and beyond.  Love it or hate it, when this song comes on, everyone sings like they're trying out for a musical.

There are some women I don't want to see singing "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I get a picture in my head when I hear it, and it has nothing to do with people in line at the bumper cars.

There was only one guy singing along to REO Speedwagon's "Keep On Loving You." Actually he was the only person, male or female.

I didn't think anyone (except me) still knew the words to the "The Devil Went Down To Georgia."  But then again, I was in New Hampshire.

There sure are a lot of country songs that EVERYONE knows and I don't.  Oh well.  Instead of calling myself "unhip," I'll just call myself "avant garde."

I was definitely the only one singing Rush's "The Spirit Of Radio" and Phish's "Bouncing Around The Room."  And I didn't care if I get mentioned in a blog about 40-somethings who sing along to songs no one knows at amusement parks.

Hello, Larry

Please don't think any less of me, but I LOVE Curb Your Enthusiasm. Does that make me a bad person?
Am I going to Hell because I laugh at it, even though it's totally wrong?

I've spoken to quite a few people who "don't get" the show.  "It's not funny." "Everyone yells all the time."  I agree every line isn't funny.  Since it's improv (Larry and his writers provide an outline and the cast improvs the dialogue,) the comedy needs time to build.  But when it's funny, it's HILARIOUS (and did I mention wrong.)  And yes, they yell a lot.  If you were in any of these situations, you'd be yelling, too.

And the subjects...oh my.  It's the only show that finds comedy in a Girl Scout with a "girl problem," stereotyping lawyers of a certain persuasion, accusing a whole race of being thieves, going out with someone strictly because of enhanced body parts, trying to get out of going to a charity camp for kids, and the Israeli/Palestinian conflict (via a chicken restaurant.)  And those are just this seasons topics.  In the past there have been jokes about wheelchairs, 9-11, and other things you just don't joke about.  YOU don't joke about them...but THEY can somehow.  Larry (and the rest of them) say things you would never say.  But you might think them.  Maybe that's why it's so fun to watch.   

So go ahead and call me crass and mean for watching.  That's fine.  I'll just find some annoying habit you have and get Larry the "Social Assassin" to call you out on it.  And  I'll see you in Hell.

I Hate Tourists...Unless It's Me

I've always wanted to be a Park Ranger. There, I said it. Since vacation season is almost over, let me play Park Ranger and share a destination you should check out.  

It's perfect for families, couples, and even loners who hate people (which I might be if I wasn't part of a couple or didn't have a family.) It's cheap, beautiful, clean, and if you live in Massachusetts, it's not far away.
I'm talking about the Rose Kennedy Greenway in Boston.

As someone who works in Boston, I usually make fun of and/or am annoyed by tourists. But my family has been to Boston twice this summer doing the wicked tourist thing, and we've spent quality time on the Greenway. Everyone who spends any time in Boston should check it out.

Grass, trees, walking paths, water fountains, benches, art installations, statues, and a carousel now sit where the old elevated expressway once was. Gone are the steel girders and ramps that used to block the view of downtown, Faneuil Hall, or the North End (depending on where you are standing.)

I know what you're thinking: "Great, another crowded tourist trap." Not exactly true. There is plenty of room to move without people rubbing up against you like in the North End or Faneuil Hall. Walk (or bike) from the North End to South Station in a series of different parks, all connected. Relax while the traffic goes by you on both sides. Let the kids play in the water fountains. Grab some treats from Modern Pastry or Mike's Pastry (I'm not taking sides in THAT debate) and sit at the tables and people-watch.

Or stop by the booth to buy tickets to the Boston Harbor Islands (another treasure of this city.) Just look for the Park Ranger. He might even look like me. Hey, I can dream can't I? 

30 Years I'll Never Get Back

MTV turned 30 last week.  Wow. To me it only seems like 27 years ago, but whatever.  The tributes have been showing up everywhere.  I'm sure by now everyone has asked you your favorite video of all time (which is difficult to answer, but gun to my head, I'll take the Beastie Boys "Sabotage.")   My friend Crystal wrote a fairly comprehensive overview of MTV that you can read here.  Might as well jump into the hype pile....

The first hour of MTV's programming was re-broadcast on VH1 Classic and not MTV.  Kind of funny.  For years, the joke about MTV has been that don't play any "M" (music.)   Now, it appears that they don't even care about their own anniversary.    

Of course, because it is 2011, not 1981, I didn't really watch the WHOLE hour.  I DVR'd it and fast forwarded through the crappy videos (and there were plenty of them.)   Imagine how many hours of our lives we'd have back if we could have done that.   I might have even had a girlfriend in junior high if we had this feature.  Might have.

Commercials were much more fun in 1981.  They all seemed like :30 second musicals. I mean, a marching band singing about sugar-free gum that squirts?  Genius!  I firmly believe that if we lived our lives like commercials in the 80's, we wouldn't have any worries. 

More things I realized watching MTV:
-Duran Duran would have never existed without MTV.  Period.
-Mick Jagger was the worst lip syncher of all-time.
-They sure made a big deal about stereo back then.  Now we compress our music so much, it doesn't matter.
-Not everyone ages well (sorry, Nina Blackwood)
-Many videos were just some guy (usually British) dancing in too-tight pants with swooshy dissovles and double images added for effects.  And I watched it.  And I liked it. 
-Man landed on the moon every hour at the top of the hour.

Happy Birthday, MTV.  I can't wait for Beavis and Butthead to return this Fall (for reals.)