Like A Hurricane

To Members Of The Local Media,

I'm so sorry. I didn't listen. Apparently, there was a "hurricane/tropical storm/whatever you call it" this weekend. But I thumbed my nose and refused to believe the hype. I was unprepared, I suffered and it was all my fault.

First, I went to do my shopping Friday but they were out of bread and water. It was traumatic, but I settled for Coke and Doritos. If I had heeded your warning, I would have taken care of the bread and water on Monday, when you first put everyone into a panic. My bad.

I was getting ready for a party Saturday night and it started to rain really hard. This rain punished the region for at least 60 long minutes. I was sure this was the "hurricane/tropical storm/whatever you call it" so I stayed home. I'm glad I didn't risk my life for shrimp the size of my femur and a free concert by Scott Weiland. Later, I saw friends posting pictures from the party and became concerned for their lives. I mean, didn't they know a "hurricane/tropical storm/whatever you call it" was happening? How could they eat, drink, and rock out while the world ended? I looked out the window to see if my yard was gone, and notice the rain had stopped. Wait, this wasn't the "hurricane/tropical storm/whatever you call it?" I should have listened to you, media. I would have known that Saturday night was going to be OK, and Sunday was the day I was going to meet my maker.

I awoke to a rainy, windy, dark Sunday morning. Thinking I was already living on borrowed time, I turned on my TV. You told me the worst was coming from noon 9pm. I felt now I could believe the hype. I kissed my family and braced for the end. Then, the power went out and I knew it was time to face my destiny. At 2pm, as the rain ended, the wind subsided, and the sky brightened, I felt alone. Without power, I couldn't come to you for the accurate information you had provided all week. I was helpless, just waiting to be told what to do. How could I live my life without interviews with people braving the storm? Without the witty banter? Without the warnings, without the fear, and without the non-stop swirly maps? I'm sorry I didn't listen. My weekend was ruined and it was all my own fault. And without power, I'd never know how long my power would be out. If I could only have the power back, I would listen to your every warning. Your every...hey the lights went on. Cool. Think I'll catch up on "Curb."