Don't Be A Donut Hole

Wanted: People who maul harmless food in public places. This horrible abuse must stop and these vicious criminals must be punished.

Be on the lookout for these people in your office or at your party.

The powdered donut puncher.  You've seen it. The dozen donuts, picked over by everyone.  There are only 2 left:  The plain (which they should ban because NO ONE eats them) and the powdered jelly...with a thumb hole punched through it.  Who does this?  If you want to see whether it's lemon or jelly filled, look through the viewing hole on the side.  Don't give it a sucking wound that makes it inedible for the one person who actually likes jelly donuts.  Fun fact: That hole is how the jelly got in there, genius.

The hummus double-dipper.  You've seen them at parties, but somehow they don't know you can see them.  They dip the carrot in the hummus, take a bite, and dip again. forgetting they are mere mortal and not invisible.
I'd rather take my chances on hummus that's been out in the sun for a few hours than eat out of this bowl that's been lip-locked by someone wearing too much lipstick, smelling like cigarettes and wine...and now chick peas and garlic.

The "Oops, I took too many chips from the bowl in my hand, so I guess I should just drop these back in" person.   I'm not talking about kids.  I'm talking about adults who (allegedly) can judge depth, volume, and space.   Here's my scientific solution: Take smaller handfuls. Eureka!  Have I figured out how to split an atom or just used a little common sense?   I'll take common sense for $1,000, Alex.

Again, these perpetrators are out there and dangerous...or at least disgusting.   Let's be vigilant and stop them before no snack is sacred. And let's skip the jury who can't find enough evidence to convict.  These are high crimes, so let justice be served...or at least an unmolested jelly donut.