30 Years I'll Never Get Back

MTV turned 30 last week.  Wow. To me it only seems like 27 years ago, but whatever.  The tributes have been showing up everywhere.  I'm sure by now everyone has asked you your favorite video of all time (which is difficult to answer, but gun to my head, I'll take the Beastie Boys "Sabotage.")   My friend Crystal wrote a fairly comprehensive overview of MTV that you can read here.  Might as well jump into the hype pile....

The first hour of MTV's programming was re-broadcast on VH1 Classic and not MTV.  Kind of funny.  For years, the joke about MTV has been that don't play any "M" (music.)   Now, it appears that they don't even care about their own anniversary.    

Of course, because it is 2011, not 1981, I didn't really watch the WHOLE hour.  I DVR'd it and fast forwarded through the crappy videos (and there were plenty of them.)   Imagine how many hours of our lives we'd have back if we could have done that.   I might have even had a girlfriend in junior high if we had this feature.  Might have.

Commercials were much more fun in 1981.  They all seemed like :30 second musicals. I mean, a marching band singing about sugar-free gum that squirts?  Genius!  I firmly believe that if we lived our lives like commercials in the 80's, we wouldn't have any worries. 

More things I realized watching MTV:
-Duran Duran would have never existed without MTV.  Period.
-Mick Jagger was the worst lip syncher of all-time.
-They sure made a big deal about stereo back then.  Now we compress our music so much, it doesn't matter.
-Not everyone ages well (sorry, Nina Blackwood)
-Many videos were just some guy (usually British) dancing in too-tight pants with swooshy dissovles and double images added for effects.  And I watched it.  And I liked it. 
-Man landed on the moon every hour at the top of the hour.

Happy Birthday, MTV.  I can't wait for Beavis and Butthead to return this Fall (for reals.)

The Return Of The Son Of Mr. Sunshine Part 3

There's a sequel for everything, so here's a sequel to one of my previous blogs (which you really responded to...thank you.)  Mr. Sunshine is Back.

Let's reset the premise.  I love all people.  Except people who annoy me.  Like these people:

The woman at work that doesn't make eye contact with me. Humor me and say "hi" when we pass each other in the hall instead of looking up in the air like a UFO is coming down on us.   Don't worry, I don't want to be your friend and I'm not gunning for your job.  I just think we should all be civil, friendly, and have fun at work.  Stop posing like the Heisman trophy every time I walk by.  

The parent at kids sporting events who never stops talking.  Ever.  Look, no one likes to talk more than I do.  But even I know when to stop.   Sometimes quite by accident, I learn more about complete strangers than I know about my own wife. And they're not even talking to me.  Unsolicited tip:  If you insist on talking loudly and constantly while other people are trying to watch a game, at least move into the same zip code as the person you're talking to.  Don't yell across rows of people.

The guy at work who walks up and down the hall talking on his cell phone. How can I put this politely?  You're annoying.  Not because you're on the phone in the hallway. Because you're not talking about work (unless your job description now has you going to parties.) Do us all a favor--go back to your cubicle.  Or if you're afraid of your boss hearing (which is probably why you're in the hallway in the first place,) go to your car. Just get out of the hall so we can work and not have to hear stories about how many keg stands your buddy did.

Guy sleeping on my shoulder on the train. Tired? Me too! We all work hard on very little sleep. But the differencebetween us is I would NEVER rest my head on a stranger on the train.  That's creepy, rude and not very hygienic.  To be honest, sir, you don't know where my shoulder's been.

And while I'm on the train...Guy who crowbars himself in front of me and my seat for 2 stops before he gets off.  He moves up the isle, rubs against me, and eclipses any light from my general areal.  And for what? To get off the train before 3 other people do to save .8 seconds. Here's an idea:  When the train gets to your stop, simply let the people in front of you get off, then follow them in a line, leaving ample space for people to breathe, move, and not have to think about ways they wish you would trip and break your ankle.

Well, it looks like a nice day.  I think I'll go out, breathe some fresh air and take a train ride to work.  What could go wrong?

Best Wife Evah

On July 25, 1998 (13 years ago today,) I married Bridget Connole and my life changed forever (and for the better.)   Or, as a clock my sister got us a gift says: "West Family: Est. 1998

To celebrate, here are the Top 10 Reasons My Wife Is Better Than Yours

10) Has the best smile in the world. Period.
9)  Does the laundry (which I don't like to do) and lets me cook (which I love to do.)
8) Laughs at my stupid jokes.  Even the ones in heavy rotation.

7) Always makes me smile no matter what kind of day I've had.

6) Is a close personal friend of Alex Lifeson of Rush.

5) Is nice to everyone, even though I once heard heard her "tell off" a bank on the phone...and oooo she was nasty.
4) Is my best friend.

3) Loves being a Mom and is amazing at it.
2) Takes care of everyone else before herself.
1) Reads my blog and should, because this post is her gift.  (Jealous ladies?  Sorry, he's taken.)

Happy Anniversary, B!   I love you more than you'll ever know.

And if you were at our wedding, look below for some pictures to see how well you've aged.    I couldn't find all the pictures, so if you were there and you're not below...sorry!

Auburn Friends

Emerson Friends

Chicopee Friends

A Letter To The NFL and Government

Dear Out Of Touch Rich People Who Stage Standoffs In Public,

You don't know me. How would you? You don't ever talk to regular people like me. You just take our money. But if I could actually talk to you, I'd tell you about 2 very different but similar situations caused by your greed and poor decision making. The debt ceiling and and the NFL lockout.

On the debt ceiling: Taxpayers like me don't want to worry that the stock market will crash, pushing our already existing recession into a depression.

On the NFL strike: We WANT to support football, keeping your unimaginable cash flow coming (so you can buy another jet to duck into when we try to talk to you.).

I'm just a bystander without a lot of facts about either situation. But in my simple view, you have a chance to make a lot of people really like you. Just get off your yachts, step away from the martini bar, and think about other people. People who work for a living. People who don't get millions of dollars in bonuses, tax credits, stock options, and revenue sharing. People who, frankly, gave you your jobs. People who like to get paid on Thursday and watch football on Sunday.

I'm not taking sides, necessarily (although I do have an opinion about both.) My stance is this: Quit
grandstanding at the expense of the rest of us. Do you even understand what your actions (or inaction's) can do?

You have power. Use it wisely. The jury of public opinion will be harsh if you do the wrong thing. But you probably don't care. You'll just hide behind your pile of money eating shrimp the size of my femur and saying it's someone else's fault. Funny how we're all taught to be responsible for our own actions, but when some people get to a certain level, the lobe that seems to be disappear.

Kindly respond to my letter by making the right choice.  Thank you for reading this. You can go back to checking your stocks now.

Warmly,
A concerned citizen.

Don't Be A Donut Hole

Wanted: People who maul harmless food in public places. This horrible abuse must stop and these vicious criminals must be punished.

Be on the lookout for these people in your office or at your party.

The powdered donut puncher.  You've seen it. The dozen donuts, picked over by everyone.  There are only 2 left:  The plain (which they should ban because NO ONE eats them) and the powdered jelly...with a thumb hole punched through it.  Who does this?  If you want to see whether it's lemon or jelly filled, look through the viewing hole on the side.  Don't give it a sucking wound that makes it inedible for the one person who actually likes jelly donuts.  Fun fact: That hole is how the jelly got in there, genius.

The hummus double-dipper.  You've seen them at parties, but somehow they don't know you can see them.  They dip the carrot in the hummus, take a bite, and dip again. forgetting they are mere mortal and not invisible.
I'd rather take my chances on hummus that's been out in the sun for a few hours than eat out of this bowl that's been lip-locked by someone wearing too much lipstick, smelling like cigarettes and wine...and now chick peas and garlic.

The "Oops, I took too many chips from the bowl in my hand, so I guess I should just drop these back in" person.   I'm not talking about kids.  I'm talking about adults who (allegedly) can judge depth, volume, and space.   Here's my scientific solution: Take smaller handfuls. Eureka!  Have I figured out how to split an atom or just used a little common sense?   I'll take common sense for $1,000, Alex.

Again, these perpetrators are out there and dangerous...or at least disgusting.   Let's be vigilant and stop them before no snack is sacred. And let's skip the jury who can't find enough evidence to convict.  These are high crimes, so let justice be served...or at least an unmolested jelly donut.

It's Time To Light The Lights

The Muppet Movie remake comes out in November (see trailer here.) I hope it's good. With the track record of 70's/80's movie remake (and I don't have to list them, you know what I'm talkin' about) I don't know what to expect.

But I do know the Muppet Show was one of the best shows on TV when I was a kid. It had music, guest stars, drama, and comedy for both kids and adults (some of the comedy was for adults, but it flew safely over the kids' heads.)  And you couldn't help but sing the theme.

Without doing any research (Scout's honor: I'm only adding the links and pictures in after I write) here are some reasons off the top of my head why I loved the Muppet Show: Beaker; Pigs In Space; The French Chef; Scooter's satin tour jacket; Gonzo's horn blast at the end of the theme (different every time,) Kermit's nephew; Fozzie Bear (wakka wakka;) Animal; Zoot; the chaos of backstage; guest stars like Steve Martin, Alice Cooper, Twiggy, etc, and countless more.

And Statler and Waldorf (the guys in the balcony) were the gold standard for comedy. I think I read that the Duke brothers in Trading Places were modeled after them (urban myth or not, it makes sense.)

So bring on the Muppet Movie remake.  And if it's bad, Statler and Waldorf better let them know.  And if I could have one more wish:  Could some TV station show the old Muppet Show episodes so I could fill up my DVR with some good clean fun?   

I'm Loco For Coco

If you love documentaries, check out Conan O' Brien Can't Stop.

Remember the "Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television" tour Conan did after NBC dumped him from the tonight show? (Side note: If I was paid $40 million, I would be OK with "being dumped" too.) This movie chronicles how that tour was created and what it looked and felt like behind the scenes.

I won't give you a play-by play account of all the funny scenes in the movie. See it and you'll laugh. You'll see that Conan is always "on" and always laugh out loud funny. He's funny on the show, funny with his wife, funny with his staff, and funny even when he's stressed.

Like any good documentary, you'll also learn things you might not have known. You'll learn being famous can be fun, glamorous, and rewarding, but lonely, exhausting, and stressful all at the same time. You'll also learn that Conan loves his audience and is thankful for them, even though it seems at times, he doesn't quite understand the way they show their love for him.

But at least he interacts with his audience. He creates a conversation with them. He lets you behind the curtain. David Letterman doesn't do that. Jay Leno sure doesn't do that. I keep up with Conan's show through Facebook, Twitter, and the Conan app and almost never watch the show on TBS (sorry, Conan, I know that doesn't help the ratings, but I'm old and can't stay up late.) I do this because he's funny, he's honest, and he cares. At least that's what I think. See the movie and let me know if you agree.