Lucky Number 7

Happy 7^th Birthday to my awesome son Colin. Our lives have never been the same since he came into our family, and that's a good thing.

For his 7^th birthday, here are 7 quotes (of the hundreds he has given us) that made us laugh...and smile.

1. "Look down there, Papa Ginos"-The first sentence he ever said. We were in the car and he was pointing at Papa Gino's.
2. We told him not everyone wasn't on Facebook. For instance, Uncle John isn't on Facebook. Colin said "He's not on Facebook??...what's he on Twitter?"
3. At his first concert (Cheap Trick) I asked him if it was too loud. He said "Not loud enough."
4. When he first heard the Kars For Kids commercial: "That's actually pretty cool. I mean...a car for a kid?"
5. My mother was trying to bring something up on her computer and Colin was waiting to play a game. It took my Mom a little while to find it. Colin sighed and said "Click on boring."
6. Anytime ANYTHING breaks: "Don't worry, Grandpa can fix it. He can fix anything."
7. We told him he could go out to eat anywhere for his birthday. He said "Ken's Steak House." We said you've never even been there, why do you want to go there? "No, (points at me) I want you to cook steak tips on the grill. Ken's Steak House."

Colin-You are the man and I love you! There is no one like you, buddy!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Best and Worst Cereals of All-Time?

Conan O'Brien's mention of Cap'n Crunch in his recent hilarious video blog reminded me of when I used to eat boxed cereal. I ate boxed cereal every day for half my life, but yet, haven't eaten it in at least 20 years. I can't put my finger on why or when I stopped.  

Now I have oatmeal for breakfast every day (not nearly as fun a boxed cereal, but that's what old people do)

But it got me reminiscing about my 5 favorite and 5 worst boxed cereals and wondering if they still exist.

So cereal eaters out there, let me know if these are still out there and if they are as good or as bad as I remember. I know I can look it up on the interwebs, but who's got time?

                                                                          The Best

Cap'n Crunch-Corny, sweet, and rips the roof off your mouth.

Honey Combs-Who didn't want to hang in the "Honeycomb Hideout?"

Golden Grahams-See Honey Combs, but with graham cracker taste and razor sharp corners.

Fruit Loops-Brightly colored sugar rings. I'm not even sure if there was any grain in these.  And why did you have to "Follow Your Nose" to find it?

Boo Berry-What can I say? I love Blueberries and may have been the only person who liked this one.

The Worst:

Cookie Crisp-Seriously, great idea, but better on paper

Frosted Flakes-These tasted "great" but you had to eat them in record time or they just got all soggy.

Frosted Mini Wheats-Like pouring powdered sugar over a brillo pad.

Lucky Charms-Those marshmellows gave me the same sensation as biting on tin foil.

Cap'n Crunch with Crunch Berries-Stop Messing with what's already perfect.

Let me know your best and worst. And I'll be having my oatmeal...with coffee. Yep, I'm crazy like that.

What Movie Is a Chick Flick In Disguise?

A tip for the guys out there: If your significant other wants to see a "chick flick,"  may I suggest one?  It's called "Hall Pass"  and its the latest offering from the Farrelly Brothers.  The basic premise is "What if you got a week off (Hall Pass) from marriage?"

It's got all the "must have" criteria of a chick flick, which are:

-Must star Owen Wilson or Hugh Grant

-Must have tension between the lead male and female

-Male lead must have at least one wacky friend, especially one who likes to party waaayyyy too much.

-Female lead must have friends who "push" her to action when it comes to fixing her man problems.

-Must have an "awwww that's so nice moment," (usually at the end)

Of course, it is the Farrelly Brothers, so it also has these items usually not found in chick flicks:

-All sorts of bodily fluids (and bodily solids) in places and at times you don't expect.

-More male frontal nudity that I've ever seen in an R-rated movie (That's R-Rated movie.)

-JB Smoove  (Leon in Curb Your Enthusiasm) with a hilarious line about Olive Garden.

Unlike "The Hangover," where you never really got to see the stuff that happened until the still pictures at the end of the movie, you see EVERYTHING in this movie. And it's laugh out loud funny (because guys need that.) And sweet (because women need that)

NOT A PLOT SPOILER: You'll never hear Styx' "The Best Of Times" the same way again after you see this movie.

PLOT SPOILER: No, the full frontal is not Owen Wilson's.

An Open Letter To March

                                                        

                                                         Dear March,

I don't want to be rude, but do you know you're one of the worst months?

Your weather is horrible, you have no holidays (sorry, my Irish friends, unless it's a day off, it's not a holiday,) and you're too long (31 days.) Plus, your name is a verb. But now I'm heaping on.

Look, people want to like you. You give them hope that Spring is coming after February. But then you give us days like today...accumulating snow and more wind and cold.  Heck, some days in January are better.

What you need is an image makeover.   Both my kids were born in March, so I do have some personal connection. I'd be glad to help.

Maybe some slogans? "March: It beats being dead." "March: Looks better on the calendar than a colonoscopy" "March: I'm hatin' it." or "March: Even winning the brackets and boozing it up on St Patty's Day won't make it better."

You know what? Actually, I can't help. I'm going out like a lamb...or lion or whatever.   How many days until April?

Sincerely,

Ken West

What The F?

Cee-Lo Green "F-You,"  Pink's "F-in Perfect,"  Mumford & Sons "Little Lion Man." What do they all have in common? Yep, the F bomb. I have no problem with the F bomb in songs, but it seems to me they used to do it a little more under the radar. Now it's right there in your face. Heck, it's even in the title. Where's the art in that?

Not that any of these artists need my help, but here are some uses of the F-bomb from the past that seem a little more creative.

The Doors "The End."  This is one of those blurred F-bombs, but it makes you go "Did he just say what I thought he said?" Not your next door family.

The Rolling Stones "Star, Star."  The sheer repetition of the word is genius.

The Rolling Stones "Some Girls."  I guess Mick figured he might as well make a racist generalization while he was at it.

Grateful Dead "Wharf Rat."  I guess a song about someone this down and out would have to have that word.

Any song from Guns & Roses' "Appetite For Destruction" album. It's so much a part of the album, you'd think it wasn't even a swear.

Pearl Jam "Why Go"  In the live versions, the audience says it for him. Now that's creative.

Pink Floyd "Not Now John."  Proving when female background singers sing it, it doesn't sound as bad.

Why do I even bring this up? The other day, my kids and I were talking about the chorus of "Little Lion Man." Specifically, what the words to the chorus were. (I really F*&ed it up this time) For the record, my 10 year old, Emma, knows they're saying something and it's being muted out. She tells me she doesn't know what the word is. My 6 year old, Colin, thinks the "muted version" is the real lyric. "I really MMMM it up this time." I'm just letting them both think they're right. And hoping they don't read my blog.

All That Glitters is Not Glee

I recently went to a Worcester Sharks AHL Hockey game.  The Sharks, who play at the DCU Center in place of the now-defunct Worcester Ice Cats, played the Connecticut Whale (also named in honor of a defunct team, The Hartford Whalers.)  The hockey was well-played, the prices were reasonable and it was a great family atmosphere. Except when the Sharks scored a goal.

When the Sharks score, they play Gary Glitter's "Rock & Roll Part 2." (Trust me, you've heard this song, but I won't provide a link.) Why is that not family friendly? Because Gary Glitter (real name Paul Gadd) is a convicted child sex offender. In 1999, he was found guilty of posessing images of child sex abuse on his computer. He got out of jail and then, in 2006, he was convicted of sexually abusing two girls ages 10 and 11. That's twice convicted. No "suspicion" or "out of court settlements." I am a pretty tolerant guy, but I have ZERO tolerance for people who abuse kids in any way. The world would be a much better place if kids could see the beauty of the world without seeing the ugliness of people. This guy is disgusting.

Glitter's only source of income is royalty money from his music. He also wrote "Do You Want To Touch Me?" which "Glee" recently used in an episode.  Stadiums still play "Rock & Roll." They should stop. I work in radio and haven't played the song in years. Hey look, I'm not going to change the world here, but I feel good knowing that I'm not providing money to a guy who made the wrong choice three times (that's caught...who knows how many other times this happened??)

Just a suggestion to the DCU Center: How about using the old Hartford Whalers theme when the Sharks score a goal? That was a jam! 

It Ain't Easy Bein' Green

It's St Patrick's Day and I don't want to be mean, but I don't really celebrate this day of green.

I know everyone else thinks it's fun, so I guess that makes me the only one...

who doesn't drink green beer all day, or have a witty limereck to say.

I hate to be that guy. I love salty meats, just not with cabbage and potatoes that are dry.

I like to enjoy a Guinness stout, but all the amatuers at the bar take all the fun out.

And I have no problem wearing a shirt that's green, but only if it's next in the pile of clothes that's clean.

So if you're Irish and you celebrate, Happy St Patrick's Day.

Celebrate who you are and be proud. Go to the parade and get loud.

If I don't join you, don't think I'm a jerk. The real reason I wrote this is I can't get out of work.

Dave Or Sammy?

For years the debate has raged. Now I'm convinced which side I'm on. 
Especially after reading this excerpt from Sammy Hagar's new book.

Van Halen was the biggest rock band on the planet from 1979 to 1984. Their songs had both rock and pop sensibilities, plus a sense of humor. You could fit 2 of their entire albums on a 60 minute cassette. Not those cheap Certron tapes, either. Memorex, baby! (Yep, I'm old.) I saw VH on the Diver Down (with Dave) tour in 1982 (Yep I'm old.) still ranks in my top 5 concerts of all time.

In 1986, the Van Halen fan base became a world divided. David Lee Roth was out as lead singer and Sammy Hagar was in. For years, I hated what Van Halen became. It became a different band. With Dave, the band had some power. With Sammy, they were a pop band. I even ended up liking Dave's solo stuff more than Sammy-era Van Halen. My personal feelings went the same way. "Sammy ruined the band!"

Over the years, I have learned to like the Sammy-era music (like, not love.) But my feelings about Sammy have completley turned around. Here a few reasons: 1) He agreed to do a tour with David Lee Roth after many years of them trashing each other. 2) Sammy and Michael Anthony were the only band members to show up when Van Halen was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame. Think about that: No one named Van Halen had enough respect for the band to show up at this momentus occasion. 3) He said yes when VH asked him to do a reunion tour after Dave couldn't get it together. 4) He fought to make sure Michael Anthony was part of that reunion (as he should have been.) The common thread here? He took the high road every time.

Again, read this excerpt and make your own judgemeents. For a band that stood for fun, these guys don't seem like very much fun. Eddie Van Halen re-revolutionalized the way the guitar was played in the 80's, his name is legendary, and he was married to Valerie Bertinelli. He should be on top of the world. But he sure seems miserable. And Sammy just keeps doing what he does...taking the high road.

Is This 60 Minutes Worth It?

Sorry this blog is late but the whole "time change disaster" happened this weekend. Doesn't that give me an excuse?

I know the Japanese tsunami and earthquake is the real disaster right now, and my heart and thoughts are with the Japanese. I suggest everyone donate to the cause because they truly need the help.  But I can't write about that. I'm no expert on it.

But I am an expert on loving my sleep.   Sleep rules and I try to get as much as I can. I'm old so I go to bed early and wake up early, but I still cram plenty of sleep in. But not this week.

 Yes, Daylight Saving time is here. Can I pose a question here? WHY do we do this? Again, I'm no expert on this, (This "no expert" thing seems to be trend) but if I took a poll on this (and I might,) I think most people would agree.

I've heard reasons for this. "It saves energy." "It's good for farmers." "Everybody needs help on their clock changing skills." (Ok, I made that last one up, even though the I-Phone could use the help.) But it's totally unnatural to mess with people's sleep. The sun was already setting a little later every day. Spring was already on its way. Nature does pretty well without us and has for billions of years (except that whole dinasours getting totally wiped out thing.) Why do we humans insist on doing something that is totally against the natural order?

 Here are some real life comments I heard this weekend about the time change. To protect identities, I'll attribute them Bob, Bob and Bridget (in that order.)

-"Just a heads up. I'm going to be cranky next week becuase of time change."

-"Sometimes it is fine and other times it takes me a week to get used to it."

-"It's exhausting because we spend all our energy thinking about time. What time is it? What time should it be? Did I change that clock? Why am I hungry at 2pm? Isn't my husband the best?" (Ok, Ok, I made that last one up.)

Here's an idea: Let's try NOT doing this for a couple of years and see if it works out. I bet it will get dark at 9pm during the summer, get dark at 4pm in the dead of Winter, and the seasons will come and go like they always do. But for two weeks a year we'll have fewer car accidents, more productive workers, fewer cranky people, and fewer kids getting up at wacky times.

As we've seen in Japan and elsewhere, when it's "people versus nature," nature always wins. Let's stop trying to win that fight.

And if you want to take my poll, comment "yes" to keep the time change and "no" to make it face the fate of the dinosaurs.

A Decade of Quality Entertainment

Happy 10^th Birthday to our daughter Emma.

She has brought us joy and happiness every day of her life, and also many laughs.

Here are 10 that I can remember from various ages:

-(1 year old, sounding like an 87 year old lady) "Ohhhhh, it feels good to sit."

-(1 and a half year old: when phone rings) Let the "achine" get it. Talk to me instead."

-(2 Years Old: When trying to get her to finish her meal) Me:"C'mon Emma. Two more bites." Emma (sounding like she is winning a legal argument) "No...5 more bites."

-(3 Years old) Us: "Emma do you want some cucumber." Emma: "Nah. Not a big fan."

-(3 Years Old: After I said I was going to jump in the shower) "Don't jump Daddy. You'll fall down. Be careful in the shower."

-(3 years old: Telling Bridget how to get on the internet) "Click the E Mommy. Click The E."

-(4 Years old after she got tickets to Disney On Ice from Santa) Emma: "How come there are only three tickets?" Us: "Colin is too young to go." Emma: "Oh, right. He might slip and fall down on the ice."

-(5 Years old while we were disciplining Colin) Us: "Emma, we don't need a third parent." Emma: "Check out my website: third parent dot com."

-(9 Years old, acting as Colin's Attorney) "My client would like more Wii time."

-(10 Years Old watching Watson on Jeopardy) "Watson should marry our GPS lady."

I Love you, Emma. Keep being you.

The modern version of Ginger Vs Mary Ann

I'll admit it. I was never a fan of Gilligan's Island. Maybe I was too young. Maybe it was the same joke over and over. Maybe it just looked like a pre-school play on TV. But I do remember the raging debate: "Ginger or Mary Ann."

There were two distinct camps on this and the sides were divided. But again, not being a big fan, I don't really have a horse in that race.

But I do have an opinion on the "modern" version of this debate: Claire or Gloria from "Modern Family?" I'll take Claire. Too me, she's hotter. She's got real issues (among other things.) She's a mother of 3 and keeps herself looking great. She has a happy and healthy relationship with her husband Phil. Phil is the goofy husband who likes to joke about everything. He's hilarious, he's totally confused and totally does whatever Claire tells him to. He's totally awesome! I can really identify with him. Jeez, come to think of it, maybe I like Phil best. I'd still rather see Claire in a coconut bra, though.

My Biggest Concert Surprise

So, Jack White broke up the White Stripes last month. Not sure it matters since they haven't really done anything lately and Jack has had more "side projects" in the last year than many musicians have had in their whole career.

It got me thinking about concert superlatives. I've seen hundreds of concerts. I could make tons of lists of "bests"  (Best concert; Best Spinal Tap moment at a concert; Best light show; Best Double Bill, Best arena rock show, etc)

But when I saw the White Stripes at the Agganis Arena in 2007, it ranked as my "Best Concert Surprise." I had never seen them live or any footage of them playing live. I had no idea what to expect. I mean, there were only 2 people in the "band." How good could this be?  I really had no expectations going in.

I was AMAZED at how good it was. Two people making the sound of many, switching instruments, putting everything they had into the music. But there were cool visuals and "show elements," too: red and white themed clothes, instruments, stage, roadies, the whole "sister/brother" act, etc. I was not overly familair with their catalogue, so I only knew 4 or 5 songs. But it kept my attention, and that's a true test of a show.

I'm glad I got to see them before they broke up forever...or until Jack gets bored and starts the White Stripes back up as a "side project."

That was my "Best Concert Surprise." C'mon, I'm sure you have one.

Has the Office Jumped The Shark?

I just read that Steve Carell has filmed his final episodes for "The Office." It got me wondering if The Office without Michael Scott is when The Office will "Jump the Shark."

When a TV show starts to become unwatchable, we say it has "Jumped the Shark."

This references a 1977 Happy Days episode in which Fonzie jumped a shark on water skis.

I'm not quite sure why this is considered a bad thing. I was 8 years old when this episode aired. The next day, my friends and I weren't saying "Boy, that show is done." We were saying "Is there anything The Fonz can't do?"

"Happy Days" really became unwatchable when Richie was gone, Fonzie was married and some guy named Roger was the main character. Seriously, Roger and Jenny Piccolo? What were they thinking? And Jenny Piccolo was better when she was a character referred to by Joanie but never seen. She was legendary! Until they took away the mystique.

Back to The Office. I think it would be cool if Michael Scott jumped a shark on water skis in the final episode of the Office. That would prove the writers and producers have a sense of humor and are just a little afraid of a Michel Scott-free office. But please, don't replace Michael with Roger.