Bleep My Friends Said

As I think about my upbringing in Chicopee Ma, home of the World's Keilbasa Festival (don't look for it, it's not there anymore,) I sometimes laugh rememering all the classic lines I heard.

I have often thought "I should write a book." But that's a lot of work and I'd stress about it selling. And when it ends up on the discount table of Barnes & Noble, my ego would get bruised.

But a blog, I can do. If no one reads this, I'll never know, right?

Names have been witheld, mostly because I can't remember all the details.

One friend trying to convince another friend to stay at the party instead of going to work: "Just do what I did. Call in 'Dead Aunt.'"

Car full of 5 dudes approaches group of good looking girls. Inside the car someone says "Hey Joe, say something impressive to these chicks." Joe rolls down window and says "Hey, at least 2 of you, get in."

Hot July Day. Co-worker at Jiffy Lube eating a Big Mac before work starts at 8am. Me: "Where did you get a Big Mac at 7:45am?" Him: "In my trunk. I got it last night and kept it there." No, there was no cooler.

Math Teacher, obviously trying to pump up morale: "Sean Duffy, what's the answer to problem number 5? Trash can, what's the answer to problem number 5? Same answer. What a cooincidence."

Car full of dudes (again with this scenario) waking up at 7am after sleeping in car in front of house. One says "Wow, my mouth is dry. I could use a big frosty glass of orange juice." Sound of beer can being taken out of cooler and opened. Orange juice guy says "That'll do."

Person throws up out car window while driver drives. Driver, Chuck says: "Kind of smells like fish." Person who throws up says "Sorry, Chuck, I had fish for dinner." Chuck says "It's ok, I like fish."

Person thinks the drive through girl is cute. He hands her his money and says "I think you're hot," and burns rubber away from the window to imperss her. Me: "You realize she didn't give you your food yet, right."

A friend tells his 70+ year old grandmother he's getting a tattoo. Grandmother says: "Why don't you just get a big penis on your forehead, becaue that's what you are."

I'm sure you have some funny ones, too. Unlike a discount book, you can share yours below.